comedy

Free Book: Handbook for the Criminally Insane by B. K. Brain

Zombies. Ghosts. A serial killer. Demon Chihuahua.
So, you know, bring an axe or something.
Welcome to Redmondsburg.

You’re just gonna love it here! From the tall statue of Hank Redmond – the founder of the town – in Pheasant Park, to the local eateries and historic library over on Whipple Avenue. Main Street is literally gorged with quaint antique emporiums and locally owned trinket shops!

You’ll be so busy soaking in the small town atmosphere that you won’t even mind the smell emanating from somewhere south of town. There’s nothing of any interest happening at Lakeshore Cemetery, and there are no strange or repulsive odors. In fact, forget I even mentioned it. Dead means dead in Redmondsburg. We promise.

The Mayor, currently campaigning for re-election, is a friendly sort. He isn’t bent on sacrificing an innocent on Halloween in order to bind with an ancient and unholy power. Nope, not him. His little dog isn’t a bloodthirsty demon. Of course not! It’s perfectly safe here.

You’re just gonna love it! We all do.

Oh and if you see someone that looks dead or something, it’s probably the flu. It definitely wouldn’t be a zombie. Because that would just be stupid.

Links to download free book – Always double check the price before you download – sometimes there are price glitches or unexpected price changes.

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About the Author
My name is Brian Holtz and I write as B. K. Brain. I try to be unique in everything I write. I strive to give the reader an experience they’ve never encountered before. Whether it be word choice, sentence construction, plot device, or otherwise, I want to leave them with a feeling that they’ve just seen something totally new, something they wouldn’t have found anywhere else.
I’ll leave it to others to decide if I’ve been successful.

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Free Book: The Subway Is for Unicorns: A Postmodern, Magical Realist, Sacrilegious Comedy, Adventure, and Romance by Lisa VanZandt by Lisa Zoetewey

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It’s the end times.

God is on vacation in Bermuda.

Jesus aka Bill is a clown.

Lisa is a mental patient with schizoaffective disorder, a stripper, an ascended master, President of the United States, Satan’s ex-wife, God’s replacement, and the author of this book. She’s got the hots for Jesus.

Satan is Santa Claus and is trying to gain dominion over the world, if Lisa doesn’t do it first.

Join Lisa and Jesus and their off and on romance as they slay jabberwockies, seek enlightenment, save the souls in hell, and try to stop Satan from gaining dominion.

The stakes are high. If Lisa and Jesus fail to stop Satan, God will destroy the world. If they succeed, they could lose each other.

This novella blends the author’s real delusions, experiences, and imagination to create a magical world of shifting realities filled with unicorns, angels, leprechauns, clowns, vampires, ascended masters, Martians, bag ladies, jabberwockies and much more.

Be transported to the heights of craziness in this hilarious and sexy comedy, adventure, and romance.

Links to download free book – Always double check the price before you download – sometimes there are price glitches or unexpected price changes.

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About the Author
Lisa VanZandt is a not-so-crazy, crazy forty-something woman living in Michigan with her mom. She’s a kind-of-pudgy hottie who loves to eat mostly vegetarian food. She spent most of the last six years working for a Christian organization and, surprising as it may seem, fit in quite well. Now she doesn’t really do anything besides read, write, meditate, crochet, practice EFT, take walks, and contemplate self-publishing and freelance editing as a possible career. The Subway Is for Unicorns, which she wrote eight years ago, is her first book. She plans to write a sequel. She also has some children’s stories and poetry she plans to self-publish under different pen names.

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Free Book: Language in the Blood by Angela Lockwood

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Until the outbreak of the First World War, young Cameron Blair would have liked nothing better than to stay in Edinburgh and marry his childhood sweetheart. As the call to arms goes out, Cameron and his pals sign up to fight for their country. They are soon delivered into the nightmare of war, and there Cameron more than meets his maker.

The story follows Cameron as he comes to terms with his new ‘life’, from his first days as a hapless vampire in war-torn France to the glamorous modern day setting of the Côte d’Azur. Along the way, he develops a distinctive taste for the finer things in life: jewels, yachts, small dogs and champagne-infused human…

This is a dark comedy, not suitable for the faint-hearted. Cameron, our vampire, has an unusual diet.

Links to download free book – Always double check the price before you download – sometimes there are price glitches or unexpected price changes.

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About the Author
Angela Lockwood-van der Klauw was born in the Netherlands. She learned her trade as a jeweller and gemmologist at the Vakschool Schoonhoven before moving to Edinburgh as an apprentice jeweller. There she met and later married her husband Adam. Angela ran her own jeweller's shop in Edinburgh for ten years before she and her husband moved to the south of France in 2011. Like Cameron, Angela prefers the climate there, but often thinks about the town she left behind and its people.

Cameron's story was born in the spring of 2013, a very wet spring during which Angela found herself climbing the walls, frustrated that she couldn't go out and have her usual long walks along the seafront. Seeing his wife's frustration, Adam suggested 'Why don't you write a book?'

Angela thought about it for a few days, then switched on her laptop and started writing. Language in the Blood (Book1) was her first book. She has since published three more titles, and published short stories in two independent author anthologies:'You're not Alone' and 'Holes'

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Bargain Book: Celluloid by Holly Curtis

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Jimmy Clifford is a thirty-year-old movie addict and film memorabilia shop owner. He is also very fed up. He is fed up with his best friend Oswald’s stupid, made-up card games, his drug dealer Pluto’s novelty drugs are losing their novelty and his anti-depressants don’t appear to be working anymore.

But when he discovers that the Crypt – a local, independent cinema that he regards as his ‘spiritual home’ – is to be demolished, he feels compelled to act. Getting together with his friends and a fellow shop owner they decide upon an idea – there will be a ‘Save the Crypt’ cabaret night (featuring local performers) to highlight the situation and raise money in the process.

All Jimmy has to do for his part is get out and find seven acts in two months – not so easy when you’re an agoraphobic and you’re up against giant egos and a psychotic property developer.

Targeted Age Group: 18+

Book Price: 0.99

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Bargain Book for 11/09/2015: Limelight by Kim Carmichael

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Worth The Wait…

Twenty years ago, Drew Fulton was made famous in the genre-changing movie, Hollywood Stardust and fell in love with his costar, Erin Holland. Left heartbroken and fed up, he played his ultimate role and walked away from his life, taking on an entirely new persona. Now he wants everything back, from his place in the limelight to the love that made him leave. He only needs to make sure he can leave the past in the past.

Known as the spoiled, has-been star of Hollywood, Erin Holland has spent the last two decades pining away for the one love she cannot have. Blindsided when Drew Fulton appears in her life as mysteriously as he disappeared, she is torn between acting on her heart and using Drew’s reappearance to relight her star.

Together for the first time in twenty years, their true passion consumes them, but the sparks of old wounds still threaten to burn out of control before they can decide if their love was worth waiting for.

Limelight is a Hollywood Stardust novel. All books are stand alone, no cliff hangers, with their own central couple. They can be read in any order.

Targeted Age Group: 18+

Book Price: 0.99

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Bargain Book for 03/11/2015: It’s Not My Favorite by Rue

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This book is bargain priced from 03/11/2015 until 03/11/2015

“An irreverent, modern-day, romantic comedy.”

The Hutchinson sisters grew up under the piercing, pious stare of a preacher’s wife. Plagued by her ever-disappointed refrain, “Well, it’s not my favorite.” Their search to find their own way in the world has not been a screaming success.

Gwenn is a good girl, a responsible girl…a miserable girl. Her steady diet of vivid fantasies is the only part of her life she enjoys. She daydreams of new parents, a more exciting job and an actual love life. She struggles to run a business as The Organizer, while she stacks relationship carcasses in the closet of her own completely unorganized life. Her only real friend is her younger sister, Rachel.

Rachel is outgoing, risqué and happily gay. The only people who don’t know this little secret are her judgmental parents, Pastor Ed and Shirley. Rachel struggles mightily to dodge her mother’s constant attempts to set her up with “nice Christian boys”; while holding down a job at the bakery and keeping up with her rock-star girlfriend!

Gwenn uncovers a photo that brings her imaginary world careening into reality. She’s forced to ask herself if wealthy artist, Daniel Gregory is the answer she’s been seeking or a grand delusion.

Break-ups, meltdowns, family secrets, wild nights and finally a journey of self-discovery to exotic New Zealand keep Gwenn and Rachel stumbling toward independence.

So grab your parka and join the Hutchinson girls, as they experience the Lake Effect in Duluth, Minnesota!

Targeted Age Group: 18-55

Book Price: 0.99
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Bargain Book: No Thanks, Mommy, I Peed Yesterday by Sandy Appleyard

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Do you have kids? Do you sometimes want to send them to their bedroom until puberty? And other times, do you want to hug them until they burst?

What about those moments when they say something so innocent and incredibly cute or hilarious that you wish you had a pen and paper so you could remember it?

Well, that’s exactly what I did. My children have given my husband and I so many gifts, but the most precious has been laughter. I made a record of each funny or cute thing that they said since the moment they could speak.

It’s all here in this short yet unforgettable ‘Kids Say The Darndest Things’ style memoir.

No thanks, Mommy, I peed yesterday is a witty, side-splittingly funny comedy that can be enjoyed by both young and old.

Targeted Age Group: grade 2 and up

Book Price: 2.99

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Bargain Book: The Case Of The Tattooed Buttocks: An Inspector Cullot Mystery by Alan Hardy by Alan Hardy

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Following the murder of a sexy, blonde bombshell (and, soon after, the bloody, gruesome, shocking murder of yet another sexy broad), ex-Inspector Cullot is called in to team up with his old side-kick, Detective Sergeant Watkins, to investigate the baffling crime. Together they set about solving the mysterious deaths at Bounderdales, the opulent mansion of the oil magnate, Henry Barble. A small group of the rich, decadent, sophisticated and ultra-sexy are staying at the mansion. What secrets are each of them harboring? Who are the guilty parties? And what is the dark secret from his own past which causes Cullot’s frequent moments of dark despair? Why did he leave the Police Force? Did he jump, or was he pushed? Why does he now work in a department store, in Ladies Underwear? The police constable first on the scene of the initial murder, PC Blunt, is ready to record every detail of the case, and assist his colleagues in their work. But what is his own past..? Is he as half-witted as he seems? What about gorgeous, sexy blonde bombshells, Stephanie and Gloria? And louche, limp-wristed Anthony Newhome? And Barble’s son, Oswald? And Barble’s demure, bespectacled secretary, Abigail? And ex-movie star, Janice Butler? Are they all who they say they are, or are some of them involved in a deadly game of murder and revenge? How are these murders linked to the unsolved Night-Club Hostess Murders which took place two years earlier? And, most puzzling of all, what is the meaning of the tattoos on the gorgeous buttocks of the assembled ladies? Thrill to the suspense, the heart-ache, the twists and turns, the laugh-a-minute of this hilarious, baffling mystery. Get ready to follow the roller-coaster plot, with one surprise after surprise, and scintillating word-play and sparkling dialogue between the marvellous host of characters. Will you be able to work out who did it? A detective/murder mystery like no other…

Targeted Age Group: 18+

Book Price: $0.99

Learn more about Alan Hardy
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Bargain Book for 02/15/2015: Trouble Enough by Leah Sanders, Wendy Knight, Kelly Martin

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This book is bargain priced from 02/13/2015 until 02/28/2015 Check book price before you buy, as prices can change due to expiration of the sale or other technical issues.

**Star Crossed Hurricane—by Wendy Knight**
You don’t date your best friend’s ex.
Ever.
It doesn’t matter how head-over-heels, absolutely and completely in love with her you are.
Does it?
Sawyer met the girl of his dreams, and then found out she was the ex his best friend can’t get over. He’s forced to keep her in the friend zone, no matter how much it hurts him. And the fact that he knows she wants him, too, only makes it harder. But it’s a fight he’s determined to win.
Until they’re trapped together in a condemned house during a massive storm. For the first time since he met her, Sawyer’s not sure he can keep his heart to himself.

**The Trouble With Frogs—by Leah Sanders**
When her best friend signs her up for an online dating service, Jory Wendell swears she will never use it. But after three months of constant nagging, her resolve weakens. For Jory, dating is always a disaster. A fact that makes no difference to her best friend, who insists that in order to find a prince, she’ll have to kiss a few frogs. A pretty sentiment, to be sure. But this isn’t a fairy tale. It’s Jory’s life.
And Jory has no use for frogs.
Armed with half a dozen horror stories, she is ready to give up on dating. Will she give it one last chance? Or will her love life croak?

**Unforgettable—by Kelly Martin**
Maggie Millard wants to forget the past. She wants to move on from her horrible break up with the guy she thought she’d be with forever and from being called ‘Margaret the Target’ by one very relentless bully way back in middle school.
Except she can’t move on. Not really. Her ex, Jake, is still in her classes—flaunting his new romance with slutty Kalynn. Everywhere Maggie looks, he’s there… and Kalynn’s there… and… yuck.
Enter Harry Bond— not his real name. Harry saves her when she gets incredibly drunk at a party. Harry saves her when she is confronted by Jake in the library. Harry saves her in English class.
Maggie could grow to love Harry.
The bad part? She knows nothing about him except he has a secret of his own. And his secret is one she may not be able to forgive.

Targeted Age Group: YA-Adult

Book Price: 0.99
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Free Book: Handbook for the Criminally Insane by B. K. Brain

Free Book: The Subway Is for Unicorns: A Postmodern, Magical Realist, Sacrilegious Comedy, Adventure, and Romance by Lisa VanZandt by Lisa Zoetewey

Free Book: Language in the Blood by Angela Lockwood

Bargain Book: Celluloid by Holly Curtis

Bargain Book for 11/09/2015: Limelight by Kim Carmichael

Bargain Book for 03/11/2015: It’s Not My Favorite by Rue

Bargain Book: No Thanks, Mommy, I Peed Yesterday by Sandy Appleyard

Bargain Book: The Case Of The Tattooed Buttocks: An Inspector Cullot Mystery by Alan Hardy by Alan Hardy

Bargain Book for 02/15/2015: Trouble Enough by Leah Sanders, Wendy Knight, Kelly Martin

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